Ok, so here's my code:
$output = array();
$output['num_items_in_tree'] = 0;
$output['date_of_most_recent_item'] = $today;
$output['num_comments_in_tree'] = 0;
$output['date_of_most_recent_comment'] = '';
$today = the_date();
print_r( $output );
I would expect the 'date_of_most_recent_item' to have today's date but there is zero output.
Oh, how little I know...